Legal Defense: A History

[Hav3n]

Legal Defense: A History
by HaV3n<CP>

I will soon pursue my dream of articulating the intricacies of navigating EA117 law, both as a native citizen, and as a foreign national. I bring a rich diversity of experience as both, being both HaV3n, and HaV3n<CP>.

This thread will contain sneak peaks at some of the rich juridical prose that will fill this forthcoming legal tome. It will also contain several color photographs from the author's life. (my life)


Artist's Representation of HaV3n<CP>

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Looks like another pussy.

[Hav3n]

Chapter 1: Overcoming the Prejudice in My Life

[fromage]

Looks like another pussy.

Your observation is only partially correct. That right there is one fine pussy. Educated in the judicial ways, and always tendering swift and noble counsel.

[Swanny-CG]

Chapter 1: Overcoming the Prejudice in My Life

I didn't realize you were prejudiced.

[Nightstalker]

Admitting is the first step to recovery.

[Hav3n]

Chapter 1: Overcoming the Prejudice in My Life

I didn't realize you were prejudiced.

Chapter 2: Overcoming the Sarcasm of the World

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

How do you lick your balls clean in that suit. You don't even have thumbs so put the book down, posser.

[fromage]

How do you lick your balls clean in that suit. You don't even have thumbs so put the book down, posser.

CP membership benefits allow non CP members to assist in that project. A ball caddy, if you prefer, in golfing terms.

Haven, Sarge and the rest of us are awaiting chapter 2.

sarge.jpg

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Now that's how you do it. Bag and Tag boys, Bag and Tag.

5yusco.jpg

[fromage]

Now that's how you do it. Bag and Tag boys, Bag and Tag.

5yusco.jpg

Sarge, that looks like a Woodstock orgy. Love cats.

[Sgt. B]

More like a Chinese buffet house orgy...

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Lol.

[fromage]

B, LOL.

[Hav3n]

Chapter 3: The Start of my Political Career



"And that is why, with the whiff of dog urine permeating off every fire hydrant, and the smell of dog poop leaking out of every stupid suburbanite's little baggie dangling from their free hand, I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for Grand Counsel to the Grand Vizier of CatPantsia.

I recognize there is a certain presumptuousness - a certain audacity - to this announcement. I know I haven't spent a lot of time learning the ways of CatPantsia. But I've been there long enough to know that CatPantsia can become more and transform the lives of its members with me in this position.

We will work to elevate the cause of CP and censure through legal means every enemy of our glorious nation state. And where legal recourse fails, we shall claw, scratch, bite and maul until we have our way. I humbly thank you for standing here to listen to me perpetuate my political career. Bless you all."

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Why does your head keep changing? What we really need is a burlap sack and a few bricks.

[Hav3n]

Why does your head keep changing?

Ah, our first law suit.

THE HONORABLE HAV3N<CP>,

plaintiff,

v.,

SARGE 1/68TH ARMOR,

defendant.


YOU ARE HEREBY SUMMONED to answer the complaint in this action of excessive probing and inquiry into the physical appearance of the plaintiff, HAV3N<CP>, and to serve a copy of your answer on the Plaintiffs attorneys (me) within twenty four (24) hours after the service of this summons. In case of your failure to appear or answer, judgment will be taken against you by default for the relief demanded in the complaint.

By:
HaV3n<CP>, Esq., Grand Counsel, Attorney at Law, Auxiliary Pants Inspector
1 Grimalkin Way, Suite #100
Pantoloones, CP Zone 1
CATPANTSIA

Tel: (999) 999-9999 (be advised, the switchboard will direct your call as many of us cats have selected this vanity telephone number)

********************************************************

Relief Demanded: 36 month PetCo insurance policy, 3 belly rubs & a tick bath

********************************************************

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Ok then, I'll use small words so you can understand them.....EAT ME.

[Hav3n]

The 24 hour period of reconciliatory admission has passed and, as stated in the summons, you will be required to automatically provide the demanded relief.



Please acquire a 36 month Cat insurance policy and make HaV3n<CP> the named insured. (please check that the insurer is permitted to administer insurance policies in CatPantsia) State your availability for the 3 belly rubs and tick bath. The tick bath may occur simultaneously with one of the belly rubs, however, the belly rubs must be completed on different days.

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Lmao. Your still an idiot like your brother, cheese. The only belly I rub is mine after dinner.

[fromage]

Hav3n is fully capable and well versed in the circumnavigation of the legal system. If he cannot work with the system, he will recreate the system. I move to nominate Grand Counsel Hav3n for the role.

Sarge, no amount of tactical experience will help you here. One minute, you're commanding your armored division into glorious victory, and the next minute, you're finding cat hair in your food and wondering why your pants are all shredded up as you wander the aisles of Walmart asking "Do you have blueberry Zima?".

[Derick Vinyard]

[SuperTesla]

I'm laughing so hard right now at this thread. For real, this should be archived or something.

[Hav3n]

It has come to the attention of our Law Firm, Hav3n, Foofy Bombboms and Partners LLP, that our lead attorney, HaV3n<CP>, Esq., Grand Counsel, Attorney at Law, Auxiliary Pants Inspector, has come under some scrutiny of late.

We ask for privacy at this time for him as he sorts through the legal issues.

Despite the fact the media has not observed its disposal, he can categorically deny reports that he has reused the same kitty litter past the recommended 2 week duration.

[Sarge 1/68th Armor]

Look Haven is listen too the rules once again.

5-tips-to-stop-cats-from-fighting0.jpg